Monday, October 25


 So it feels like a whole lot longer than a week since I posted last, and unfortunately I have sad news to relate this morning.  I've been kind of avoiding writing this post, but I feel like since I shared the good news, I should share the bad as well. 

  Last Wednesday was a bad day for us.  I was having some sharp pains on Tuesday night that I attributed to normal pregnancy pains (I didn't remember them being that bad last time around, but every pregnancy is different).  Honestly,  I just thought they were gas pains or something.  But they were painful so I opted to stay home from our usual Tuesday night dinner group.  And I went to bed, still having some pains but not being too worried about them.

  About 9 am on Wednesday I had a really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was really nervous and instantly nauseous.  Something was telling me to take another pregnancy test (even though we'd already confirmed it with two tests, on two different days) so I did.   And I found myself staring at a just one line, when before there had been two.  Of course, I fell apart a little in the bathroom.  And that bad feeling just kept growing.  But I tried to keep it together and decided to walk to the store and get some more pregnancy tests thinking, maybe it was just a faulty test or I just did it wrong.

  To summarize, I got home took two more tests and totally lost it when they both came back with only faint lines.  But of course they always tell you that you "can't be just a little pregnant, you either are or you aren't".  So my mind was telling me that everything could still be alright, even though that bad feeling in my stomach was telling me to expect the worst.  Women's intuition is a real thing people! We know our bodies... I also had a little bit of bright red spotting right after taking the third pregnancy test.

  So I called Adam, and being the supportive man that he is, he came home from work immediately, and we called the doctor who told us to come in right away.  We woke poor Emma up from her nap (I had put her to bed so I wouldn't scare her with all my crying) and went in to get blood work done.  I also had to get a shot of Rhogam (super painful!) because I am RH- while Emma has a positive bloodtype.  The nurse was very clinical and didn't make it seem like our pregnancy had much of a chance.  So we went home, sore and heartbroken to wait for the blood test results.

   They were terrible.  My hormone level was at 5.  Anything below five is considered not pregnant. The nurse informed me over the phone to expect the worst.  Although there was still a small chance that I could still keep the baby.  Less than two hours later, we had lost the baby.  It was physically painful and emotionally devastating.  Adam had gone back to work, so I was trying to keep it together for Emma, but of course I cried my way through the afternoon. (and evening)  And of course, Emma is teething so I only got about three hours of very interrupted sleep that night.  Adam went to work in the morning, but when he told someone what had happened, they kindly sent him home to be with us.

   Luckily, we are blessed with a wonderfully suportive group of friends and family who care very deeply for our little family.  We were showered with love and offers to watch Emma.  So we are doing as well as we could be under the circumstances.  We were not very far along (only about 4.5 weeks) but we were really excited about Emma having a sibling.  And we had been trying for a couple months, so I felt a lot "more pregnant" than I actually was.  It's amazing how short a time it takes to fall in love with a new life, even one you haven't had a chance to meet.
   But life with an almost two year old doesn't wait, it goes on in a noisy, busy manner.  We know that God must have had a purpose for this painful ordeal, and we have a much deeper understanding of those who have lost unborn babies.  We are thankful that it was very early on, and didn't leave any physical damage to me.  This means that we will probably be able to start trying again soon.  And although I'm sure that I will always have some very strong emotions surrounding this event, I feel that it is ok for us to move forward with hope.

   I will probably write more about this in the coming weeks as I am working through my feelings, but it feels  good to start writing about it.  And also it was of course painful to still be getting congratulations when our pregnancy had already come to a close.

This scripture had been on my mind, and means more to me now than ever before.  God knew our little life, even though we never will.

14 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. 15 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, 16 your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. 

 ~ Psalm 139:14-16


Tuesday, October 19

Big News for our Family!

    So I feel that I must apologize once again for neglecting the blog, but I have a good reason this time!  A really good reason!  I've been a little preoccupied because about two months ago we decided it was time to start working on Royling #2! 

    I have to confess that I was a little disappointed when month one came and went because we got pregnant as soon as we started talking about it with Emma! But last week, two pregnancy tests confirmed what we've been hoping and praying for  :)

      Emma's going to be a big sister!

Most people would probably wait a few weeks before announcing this to the world, but not us.  We like to share things.  I'm also possibly the world's most impatient person so the wait would have killed me.

We're hoping for another one just like this, (except hopefully this one will enjoy sleeping)

Photo Courtesy of Katherine McClure Photography
Also if you click on Pawtucket Wedding, that's ours!
   This pregnancy already feels very different to me.  With Emma, the day after I found out I was puking my brains out.  And that continued into the second trimester.  I just got used to getting up, puking, eating breakfast going to work, puking, going to class, puking, coming home and well you get the idea.... 

   So far with this pregnancy, even though we're just a few weeks in, I've just been very tired.  Like going to bed at 8:30 kind of tired. (Hence the lack of blogging)  Chasing a two year old around all day may also have something to do with that.....
   I will definitely be keeping you all informed throughout the pregnancy, and my aim is to update once a week or so.  (when I can stay awake)


Friday, October 15


Sorry these pictures are a little on the grainy side, I really need to take the time to read my camera manual, but I just had to share them! 

They did this for about ten minutes a couple saturdays ago. Adam looks a bit creepy, but look how big Emma's smiles are! :)

Can you tell by my last few posts, that she's a daddy's girl?

Happy Friday Everyone!



Monday, October 11

Roger Williams Park Zoo

We had a super busy weekend! On Friday we went to the Roger Williams Park Zoo in Providence, RI, on Saturday we went to homecoming at Gordon College, and yesterday we spent the morning in Boston going to the Harvard Museum of Natural History and Oktoberfest!! We’re all still recovering a little bit from our whirlwind of a weekend.

It was supposed to be a pretty low key weekend, but it was so gorgeous outside that we had to spend as much time as we could enjoying it. Since we weren’t home very much this weekend, the apartment is an absolute disaster. Isn’t it funny how that works?? The less time we spend in it, the messier it seems to get. Of course, last week we spent a ton of time indoors (due to rain and overall gross weather conditions) and it was still a disaster. So maybe housework just isn’t my thing…..

I wish we had taken more pictures this weekend, but I was too busy enjoying myself to take too many. But we do have some pictures from the zoo on Friday, so enjoy!



Monday, October 4

Daddy Love

Peanut really loves her daddy as you can clearly see from these pictures! And I love that she loves him. Sometimes I get a little sad that he gets so much attention on the weekends and when he comes home from work, but I really wouldn’t want it any other way. Seeing the two of them together makes me realize how blessed I really am, in that my husband is a wonderful, loving, fully engaged daddy.

Now if only I could get him to be fully engaged with the housework…..

Ps. Is anyone else having trouble uploading their pictures today? I am having the worst luck, only about half of mine are posting successfully.


Saturday, October 2

Saturday Morning Bliss

We went on a nice long walk this morning, and it was wonderful. Got lots of cute pictures that I will be sure to post later on this week, but for now I'll leave you with this little dose of cute.

Tonight is date night and then we are going to a friend's birthday party (all by ourselves with no peanut) I honestly can't remember the last time we attended an event as a couple and not a family. I'm pretty excited... :)

I hope all of your weekends are going as well as ours is! I'll see you on Monday.


Friday, October 1


Dear Emma-Jean,
     Love of my life,
        Delight of my heart,
Mommy loves you so incredibly much, but I am beginning to lose what little patience I once possessed.  If this incessant whining over nothing doesn't come to an end soon,  I just don't know what I will do!

Throwing yourself on the floor over every silly little thing just isn't acceptable.  Think how silly it would look if mommy did this.... (hmm maybe I should try it)

Also, you get 1-2 morning snacks depending on when you go down for a nap (not 23 morning snacks).  And once and for all, you may NOT have cookies for breakfast, no matter how hard you cry or how loud you scream.  Can we please just move on from this?

I know that you are perfectly capable of asking for things using words and even small sentences.  The women who watch you at the church nursery said that you were "a very polite child" and a "delight".  Huh... 

This kid?  Really? maybe they just have really low standards... 

Although I have to admit, the above pictures do melt my heart a little.... and in all fairness when she is in a good mood, she has been super loving and snugly. 

I have a brand new understanding of this little poem:

"There was a little girl
Who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead;
And when she was good,
She was very, very good
But when she was bad she was horrid"
    ~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Yup, that about sums it up....

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