Saturday, January 14

poop fish

     Prepare yourself for a gross story.  Seriously, if you are eating do not read this story right now. Also if you think that someday you might want to possibly have children don't read this story until they are toddlers.  If you're pregnant, too late! Brace yourself because this is headed your way in the near future!  If you have successfully potty trained your children, pat yourself on the back for a job well done and have a laugh at my expense.
     Emma is at this point fully potty trained. This means that she wears underwear all the time and uses the adult potty by herself (with no toddler seat) at home.  In public I help her up and then spend the whole time saying "please don't touch that! and dying a little inside.  But she's still not very good at wiping herself (gross I know) and in typical three year old fashion she refuses to let me help her a lot of the time.  (sidenote: she takes twice as many baths not as she used to)  But when she poops I make her let me help her.  She is supposed to let me know that she pooped immediately so I can make sure she has a clean bottom, and so I don't stumble upon it later.

   Cue Friday morning, about 8 am.  I'm nursing Asher on the couch watching the Today show when she announces that she has to poop and runs off to the bathroom.  All good so far. I put Asher down for a nap, and just as I am finished she comes in and announces that she had a "poop accident".  So I immediately order her back to the bathroom, preparing myself to pick up poop off the floor or maybe her underwear. No biggie, all in a days work. Meanwhile she's telling me that she thought she was done pooping so she got off the potty, but then she got scared because the poop was still coming out.  I told you, gross!

   I was unprepared for the amount of poop that was all over the bathroom!! It was was smeared all over the  toilet seat, all down the front of the toilet and all over the floor.  Emma is still nonchalantly babbling away about how well she had wiped herself and asking for a special treat for pooping in the potty (um not a chance kid!) And it was then that I took a good look at her.

    All oveeeer her hands, legs, and lower half.  Totally covered in poop.  So I said some choice words in my head, took a deep breath in (instantly regretted the deep breath because of the overwhelming smell of toddler excrement) and began to clean up.   Twenty minutes or so later, I had a well scrubbed bathroom and a totally unphased toddler sitting in the bathtub. I scrubbed my hands clean, mentally calculated when I would be able to take a shower, and went to check on Asher.  When I came back a few moments later, there was a cup of water sitting on the side of the bathtub.  Emma yelled "come look at my fishy mommy", so I did.

   Then I told myself that I wasn't possibly seeing what I thought I was seeing because it looked like there was a turd floating in that cup... but maybe just maybe it was something else.  So I shrieked "Emma, what is that????" And calm as she could be, she replied "poop mommy, it came from my bum".  

   I'll let that sink in a moment. There is my adorable three year old daughter calmly playing with a cup full of her own waste. Just another special memory for mommy to cherish forever....

This is a blobfish. It really exists. Go ahead google it... It is also the most appropriate picture I could find for a blog entry entitled "poop fish". You're welcome! 


little studmuffin

     So I attempted a small photo session yesterday during the brief window of sunny skies (seriously what a depressing couple of days weather wise ugh!) I had about 15 minutes to work with between the weather, the naked baby in our chilly house, and his need to eat/ poop every hour.  And I had to convince his big sister that Asher can indeed have pictures taken that do not include her.  She's been a little attention hungry lately... 
     It's a good thing I have such an obliging model.  Did I mention he's also ridiculously good looking? I might be a little bit biased since I baked him and all, but objectively speaking I'd say he's pretty darn cute.  Note his overall squishiness, and his goofy little smile :)   All in all, I'm pretty pleased with the results! 

I would have preferred he be naked for these pictures with all his essential parts covered up by the tie, but daddy didn't seem too keen on the idea of a pee soaked tie... plus he wouldn't sit still long enough for that to work.  Did I mention he never EVER sits still?

Emma kept trying to lay in the picture with him, so I moved on to the bumbo and making funny faces at him. 


Super cute.

Cutest baby ever.

Then this one below this makes me laugh because he looks like he is laying on his side. Hellllloooo ladies! ;)

And then I gave up and let Emma into the pictures.  Asher immediately put his arm around her, caring brother that he is.  She immediately pulled away, three year old that she is. 

And then he gave me this!  To truly appreciate the awesomeness of the picture below please flip back and forth between that and the picture above.  And picture him saying "Whaaaaat???" in an Italian accent.  Why Italian?  I'm not sure, but that's how it sounds in my head.

And that might be our new screensaver.  And I might look at it whenever I feel the need to run away and never come back.  Why is it that kids are somehow magically cuter from behind a camera lens? Maybe it's because you can't hear them? Yup, I'm going with that.


Friday, January 13

Asher at four months

Time is going by so quickly little boy! Please slow down so mommy can enjoy this squishy phase!  You are still such a little cuddle bug and cannot sleep unless there is something soft for you to hold on to.

You no longer sleep through the night most nights (which is sad), but you are still a better sleeper than your big sister ever was.  We have had some really rough nights lately though.  I try to look at it as quality mommy-son time. 

You are now holding your head up really well, and this means that you can ride forward facing in your infant carrier (that mommy wears).   And you can sit like this on the couch with mommy and daddy: 

You are still a pretty happy little guy and smile at us all the time!  Most of the time all mommy has to do is look at you and smile and you smile right back! 
And your chubby super kissable cheeks and bald bald head are an endless source of amusement to both family and complete strangers.

Mommy has started calling you "Bubs".  I'm not sure why, but it seems to be sticking.  Daddy doesn't like it a lot, but I've caught him using it a couple of times! We also call you super flattering things like "chunka munk" or "monkey man" and also "little guy".  You don't seem to mind very much :)  You're pretty obliging that way. 

You are also semi obsessed with your own feet. This sometimes makes it very difficult for mommy to change your diaper.  It looks like this:

We love you so much my little guy! (even your big sister) 

and one last picture just because it makes me laugh :)

(look at that face!) 


Emma at three

Let's start with some recent quotes:

Some are sweet:
   " mommy move your arms so I can get into your snuggle"
and " I love you too!"  (even when nobody has said it to her first)

Some are hilarious:
     " Daddy, when I grow up and my boobs are bigger than I can help mommy feed baby Asher" (can't wait to bring that one up when they are teenagers!)

and some are borderline hurtful to mommy's feelings (but pretty hilarious anyway)
  Here is Asher with his little cute face, and here is mommy with her big mommy bum and here is daddy with long long legs and beautiful eyelashes"

And move on to some recent accomplishments:

    ~ pooping and peeing on the grownup potty! (Hoorah!)
    ~ staying dry through the night in underwear
    ~ wearing underwear all the time
    ~ getting dressed herself (this one takes a lot of patience on mommy's part...)
    ~ drawing people that actually look like people (or blobs with recognizable facial features)
    ~ somersaulting down the wedge in tumbling class

and here are some recent pictures: 

Love you little girl!


Thursday, January 5

Photo Card

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